well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
