Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
