you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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