just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
