so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
