Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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