The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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