you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just had sex on a roof
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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