Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
