i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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