the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
