you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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