I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
