so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm at about main and main street
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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