If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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