Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
