o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
