I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
