I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
