So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
