I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
