I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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