I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
