I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
