Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Two words: blizzard sex
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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