When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
