I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
