What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
