Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
