If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
be right there i have to get my cape
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
