It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
