she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
