I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
