But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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