Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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