Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
