your thong is hanging out like whoa
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Panties = found
Randomize
