I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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