I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
