so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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