So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
