accomplished twins. life is a go
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
