you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
