i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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