whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Are my feet made of real feet?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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