He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
