Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
