my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
