you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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