to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
