my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
