I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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