I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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