The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
