ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
